March Is Almost Over

i know these are boring, but I am trying to get in to the habit of writing regularly, whether they are of interest. I like being here.

We’re almost at the end of March, the Sun I think is on its way. Right at the beginning of the week, I was finding things in my life particularly difficult, to be honest, I’m still not sure about it all, the right solutions aren’t always the easiest, or the best. Being in my own head at times is miserable, I am lucky that most of the crap that does go on in there I can talk it out, here or most importantly to my husband, he has a magical ear. But this “thing” that has pulled me down this week is a lot harder for me to deal with, and I like to have the sand around my ears for this one. Luckily for me a mid week trip out to Soft Play and lunch with the littlest few, and my favourite Mummy friend, helped me to stay out of my own mind. Bliss. Insomnia has hit me too this week, this always heightens my emotions, but there’s not a great deal I can do just now. Quiet few days which followed.

Fundraising

A Majorette fundraiser in the form of an English Breakfast, I was able to take Charity Information for Towards Tomorrow Together, along with some cakes to sell.

I love being able to help at these events, with the little fundraisers, being part of great teams, and most importantly raising awareness for both of them. I didn’t make a lot for Towards Tomorrow Together, but then I didn’t take a lot of cakes either, mainly because my priority that day was the Majorette Fundraiser, but I did make enough money to provide some drinks for people at our next session, and that is what is most important, to me anyway.

Child Free Afternoon.

This is certainly not something I have that often, and definitely not something my husband and I have, almost at all (although next week we have TWO planned Child Free events)!

My friend and I took a visit to our local Mum2Mum Market. New to You Sale for parents. It is usually for more the much younger age groups, but occasionally we have picked up a bargain for the older children too. Typically I didn’t take a photo of this visit’s haul. However I spent just under £14 and brought…

  • Brand New Toddler Elsa Doll, in its box (£4)! This was my favourite bargain.
  • Ride on toy
  • Skirt
  • 3 x Tops
  • Miniature Girl’s World Head

We even had lunch (not at the venue), which was lovely.

Mother’s Day

It is an incredibly bittersweet day for me, here I wrote a little about how I feel for the day itself. I was treated to my gifts the day before, due to the competition landing on Mother’s Day, I was very surprised how my husband and our children spoilt me.

I feel incredibly lucky to have them, despite everything, and the way I have felt during this week,  I am happy, my heart has been broken, my head suffers but our little family unit make me unbelievably happy, I truly am lucky to have them.

Even Melody, I missed her terribly over Mother’s Day, with this is a little bit of guilt, because I do have my beautiful children in my arms, but my pain of having a child lost isn’t any less.

I managed one Mother’s Day with her, more than many, less than most.

I’ll always be a Mother to five children.

Competition

First Competition of the season for my children’s troupe, they absolutely love being a part of it. It’s my eldest daughter’s 5th year, my son’s 3rd year and our youngest (for now) trouper just over a year. The biggest is also a lead girl, super proud Mama.

It was a very long day, very early start with what should have been an hour less in bed, turned into us being woken at 2am but the littlest, who thought it would be an excellent time to play, then as we were heading out the door at 6 am, fell asleep would you believe?!

There was what seemed like a crazily long journey to get to the venue, but thankfully once we had arrived it was a relief to have nice weather. All the children were well behaved, played nicely or sat nicely together. The routines were brilliant, I am always mesmerized by what these kids can do! They bring tears to my eyes, even the youngest group who I see week in week out brought out the tears. I’m in awe of the trainers, and the children are a credit to them. I love these competitions, we’ve several more to go, I cannot wait for the next. The journey home was shorter, but just as eventful, with the coach taking the wrong exit, an accident on one of the routes home for us as a family. One of my girls was sick too, overtired from her day. Yet she still wants to go back for more.

 

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Only a few more days left of this month.

They’re heavy, and I must keep going.

The Wet Wipe Diaries

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Mother’s Day

I have been a Mother for almost 12 years, and I still cannot get used to being included in a day for Mother’s. I find it strange, I cannot explain it really, but it is a nice way to bring families together, and an excuse to receive the most adorable handmade gifts from your children.

As a daughter, it is also a strange day, I don’t have a great relationship with my own Mum. It isn’t something I can really talk about, it is difficult and actually painful, it is something I struggle with a lot. Having an imperfect relationship with a parent is often a taboo subject, all too often people who have amazing relationships with their parents do not truly understand the way people who don’t feel. It isn’t often an easy decision or road to take to have an inactive relationship with the people you are supposed to have a close relationship with. It is never that easy. Telling me that I only have one Mother/Father doesn’t help. It really doesn’t help. Because I know, I only have the one. But please remember, when those words slip from your mouth, that actually these parents, the on and only parents also only have one of me. I’m not replaceable either.. Things should be different.

Which of course brings me to having a Mother’s Day minus a child, knowing exactly how it feels to find out how irreplaceable a child is.  I was lucky, if wanting the right word to have Mother’s Day with Melody, although the actual day itself I didn’t go in, I’d over done it, and there wasn’t much choice, I had a premature baby in hospital, there wasn’t much call for resting. I remember spending the day away from the hospital, making plans for the following year, how our lives would be different with an extra little one in the house. Of course I remain to this day wishing that I had ignored the nurses, ignored the advice I’d been given and spent the day with her, but I didn’t know that the following year I’d not only be a mother, a difficult daughter but also a bereaved mother.

Mother’s Day is different

It is mixed.

But the best bit for me, and I know there are many, many people who don’t get a best bit, is that I have the most amazing children, and awesome husband. They give me the most perfect Mother’s Day I could ever hope for. I get to be their Mum. Can’t ask for more than that. wp-1490471823791.jpg

The Wet Wipe Diaries

April Challenge #rhdmindfulness 

I am also hoping, if I can get organised enough to Vlog daily as an addition to my own in put. This is my first video, bear with me,

As I have said in my previous post, there is no competition, no right or wrong way of joining in. You can do them all, or just one. Share within your social media areas or keep private.

 

Day One Who AreYOU?

Apart from being a wife, a husband, or being a parent, or who ever your paid role brings.

Who are you as an individual? How would you describe yourself?

 

Day Two Something you avoid doing.

Are there situations that cause you bursts of anxiety? Things you wish you could do, but your brain, stops you. Things that could maybe cause triggers.

 

Day Three The Weather Today.

What is the weather like today where you are? How does it make you feel?  Do you have a favourite Season?

 

Day 4 Hope.

When everything doesn’t seem to go to plan, what gives you hope? What gets you up the next day? If you can’t get up what keeps you breathing?

 

Day 5 Get Creative

Maybe make use of a colouring book, you’ve yet to start, I know I have many that I’ll sit and do for ages, then I ignore them. I love the idea of them, and have a couple I’ve not even begun. Maybe you like the idea of them but haven’t purchased one yet. Write something, begin a blog, or continue a blog you have maybe been procrastinating against. Or put your procrastination to good use and make a vision board for yourself, (this doesn’t mean sitting and looking at hundreds on Pinterest!). Are there things you’d like to achieve? But fear continues to get in the way.

 

Day 6 Share something you are proud of.

Is it your children, or spouse? Maybe you have achieved something that you are super proud of, or overcome something that you thought would never happen.

 

Day 7 Retail Therapy

Set yourself a £5 budget to purchase something for yourself. Maybe using a Charity shop for an added “giving” bonus. Allow yourself to spoil yourself for a moment. You deserve more than you know.

 

Day 8 Gratitude

What are you thankful for right now? It could be absolutely anything, from something as small as finishing a hot cup of tea or something so much bigger. To someone else’s small, could be something really big to be grateful for.

 

Day 9 Cause

Spread awareness about a cause that is close to your heart, tell us more. There are so many small charities or organisations that they often get forgotten. Share a link with us too. Maybe donate (of course this is very optional, money isn’t always easy to give away).

 

Day 10 Find three good things about today.

Write them down, take a photo, these three things could end up making your day.

 

Day 11 What is bothering you?

Is there anything that we can help you with? Is there something you’re really worried about talking about? Often a problem shared can make them slightly gentler. We are all in this life together.

 

Day 12 Friendship

What does having friends mean to you? Do you have many? Or make them easy?

Is your village strong? And built to last?

 

Day 13 Sunrise

It doesn’t have to be today’s Sunrise, it could be either a sunrise of the day that changed you? A sunrise you’ve seen that you remember well, the sunrise which brought you new beginnings.

 

Day 14 Bake

Bake Cakes, cookies, or even something savoury.

When our daughter died it was the only thing I could do, baked hundreds of scones! Eat your creation. It is often known, that typical “British” Way, is that Tea and Sympathy, along with a slice of cake, or even a sandwich is meant to make the world a better place. Of course we all know life isn’t that simple – if only. But at least you’d have eaten something (hopefully) tasty today.

 

Day 15 Time with distant friends.

Set a time with a friend is not local, either via social media, or over the phone, maybe they’re a friend you have never met, it isn’t always that easy to leave the house particularly on bad days, so if you have distant friends, today have a cuppa and a chat with them, as if you were meeting in a local café, maybe even skype in a café. Today is not a day to feel alone.

 

 

Day 16 Go Outside

Take a walk, sit in the garden, breathe in the fresh air, either alone or include your family, take your dog for an extra-long walk.

Do you have a favourite outdoor location?

 

Day 17 Share Your Love

Who or what has your love? Is it Friends or Family? Support networks? Maybe the love of something that interests you has helped pull you through.

 

Day 18 Grounded

What helps you to come back down to level ground when you’re feeling anxious? It may not be a “thing” could be a person, or a place, which brings you comfort when life gets overwhelming.

 

Day 19 Quiet Time – Breathe

Find a time of day to just sit. Take in what surrounds you; maybe the only time is first thing in the morning or last thing at night in bed. Maybe set aside 20 minutes where no technology is involved. Savour the moment.

 

Day 20 Self Care

What do you do to take care of yourself?  This could be protecting yourself when you’re filled with anxieties. It could be a form of protection from being hurt. How do you cope with these things? Do you have an ideal comfort zone? Are you able to practice some self-care today?

 

Day 21. Wisdom

Is there any advice you could give to someone on a similar path to you? Has there been an important life lesson you wish you had been told?

 

Day 22 Sunset.

Again, not necessarily today’s Sunset, but maybe you can remember what the day was like when things in your life changed, either for good or for bad. Or quite simply a sunset, enjoy its beauty from the recently changed clocks (British Summertime).

 

Day 23 Nostalgia

Are there things that if you could go back and change you would? It could also be a favourite, happy memory.

 

 

Day 24 Beauty

What is surrounding you with beauty today? Do you have countryside nearby? Beautiful flowers, trees?

Are there buildings that you particularly love, which brings you fascination. You could even include people if you wished.

The world is such an ugly place, would be nice to spread some beauty about the place today.

 

Day 25 Dance It Out

Dance like nobody is watching!

You don’t have to share a video, but you certainly can if you wish. Maybe share your go to song, where your feet can’t stop, but makes you feel lighter after dancing it out.

 

Day 26 Sounds

What can you hear? It doesn’t have to be song birds or swaying trees. But at this moment in time what can you hear? Maybe close your eyes and concentrate. How do these sounds make you feel? Do you have a favourite sound? Or a sound that triggers lots of emotions.

 

Day 27 Rainbow

Most obviously this could be of an actual rainbow, but this will be depending on the weather, being April with all the showers, this may well be not as easy to take a photo of one today. Draw a picture. If you’re lucky enough to have a rainbow baby, maybe share your rainbow. Tell us what has given you light and colour amongst the darkest of times.

 

Day 28 Write A Letter

Write a letter to yourself in one years’ time, telling yourself how wonderful you are.

 

Day 29 Laugh.

Or at the very least smile. Can you remember the last time you laughed? Is there something making you smile/happy today?

 

Day 30 Positivity

Write something positive about yourself, WITHOUT the words “I think” at the beginning of the sentence.

 

 

Huge thank you for anyone who did join in or even just followed, as I said before I’ve never done anything like this before.

I do hope it has helped in some way, to give a little focus.

If you did enjoy this, please hit the follow button on my page, if this happens to be successful, I may do another.

 

Of course you can find me on Instagram @theredhead_diaries

 

And over on Facebook to The Red Head Diaries.

 

The Wet Wipe Diaries

 

 

March – Growing Up.

The week started out with K having a day off from pre-school, slight temperature, wasn’t feeling well, then slept for three hours solid. As soon as she woke up, she was instantly back to her usual self, even eating two bowls of cereal, most bizarre.

Pleased she’s feeling better..

“Mummy”

“Mummy”

(times by fifty thousand).

This week saw our “Rainbow” Baby, turn four!

It doesn’t seem possible that four years ago, we walked into the hospital terrified of history repeating ourselves, terrified our new baby would have to stay in NICU.

The relief we felt that not only did I get to have skin to skin, my husband was able to have a cuddle with his new daughter unlike when Melody was born where she was taken.

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Then we got to leave the hospital exactly 24 hours after her planned caesarean section birth.
Parenting a new baby, as well as parenting my older two after such a loss has been a real eye opener. People assume that things are easier when you have children before, and that you “get better” once a baby arrives after a loss.

But it isn’t, it brings a whole new parenting skill, a whole new way of parenting. Not to mention the anxieties which are difficult to overcome, over the years I’ve relaxed a little, but I’ll never be the same parent I once was.

I take to listening to too many “perfect” parent comments which I know I shouldn’t, because after all, none of us are perfect.

 

Potty Training

 

This week we’ve also officially begun the potty training experience with the (now) 21month old. Early, I know however right from birth she has always hated nappy changing, really hated it. Screaming, squirming and just generally being uncomfortable with being laid down.

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We’d spoken to a doctor in the very beginning and was told babies cry.. Helpful. We soon learned she had reflux and CMPA (as well as gluten for a short time). Anyway, we’ve been trying a few weeks on and off, this week we thought we’d no real plans away from the house, thought we’d tackle it; she’d been ready for a short time. We may have cracked it, well at home anyway, there’s bound to be accidents still, but that’s what this is all about.
She would appear to be dry at night too, apart from last night, when she stayed in (our) bed until 8.30am (no she didn’t sleep all night, this was a milk coma from 6)!

It would seem my nappy addiction is coming to an end, which seems strange in itself, having cloth bummed for the last 4 years and finding any excuse to purchase more.

I’ll have to find a new collection

Stationery anyone?

We’ve had a day where she hasn’t wanted boob as much today, the days where I have found her 45 minute feeding regime difficult, today it dawned on me, that she really could stop any day if she wanted, although realistically I cannot see that happening in terms of days.

I’m so pleased that they are growing, I say all the time that I don’t want them to stop growing – ever.

Time goes so quickly.

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The Wet Wipe Diaries

 

 

A Month To Be Mindful.

April

It’s that time of year, particularly for us as a family, where the days are still a little heavier, full of memories of days which broke us. But memories also of days which have been the most amazing.

The truth of it is, we’re of course not the only ones to feel the desire to shut ourselves away, because as individuals it can all be too much to explain to people looking in that not every day is a happy adventure.

Fear, the anxieties, painful memories stop us at times to do things we’d really like to do. Sitting back watching other people we know and love have the lives we can only think about.

I’ve participated in these Photo Challenges myself over the years and have found them really helpful, they’ve mainly been related to Baby Loss, which can be seen over here. So, I thought I would have a go at putting something together for April, but not just for the baby loss community but for anyone who is struggling right and feeling overwhelmed in life just now, and even if you’re not but want to join in, that is okay too.

In the next week or so I will share with you a range of subjects to look to each day, which will begin April 1st, which for us in terms of memories is our most shittiest.

Please bare in mind I have never done anything like this before (there you have it – Self doubt), so I hope it’ll be okay.

You can join me on Instagram @thered_headdiaries (#rhdmindfulness), I’ll also share over on my Facebook Page, The Red Head Diaries – blogs,  where you can join us (hopefully an us) there too. You could also choose to blog, or simply keep your thoughts more private, and do it just for you.

Nothing is set in stone either, it isn’t a competition, you can join in for every day, or just the first, anything goes, you’re more than welcome.

 

 

 

 

The Wet Wipe Diaries

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March – Tulle Madness

Fascinating week of Bad Cake Making and Party preparations,

a Lipstick Diva a shopping trip,

Face Face seem to have that special way of pulling you in..

Then of course.

Celebrating a 4th Birthday

Her birthday isn’t until Wednesday, but slotting in a party in nearby isn’t always easy. It was her first “big” party, she usually has one at home, or last year we took her to a small wildlife park nearby.

She invited a very select few, we offered her her whole playschool group, but declined, she had a very specific group she wanted to invite..and good on her I say! This too included inviting her Majorette friends, but she chose this last minute..as they do! She wanted it as close to Troll themed as possible, pinks, Troll Sandwiches and Cake was probably the most crafty of things that we could do..

 

We did do a Twist on the usual Party Bags (I always find them a bizarre thing anyway, but it is I guess tradition).

Rather than a bag full of random things, we decided to give the children each..

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A Colourful Flower Pot

A Bubble Wand

A Packet of Sunflower Seeds

Mini Packets of Biscuits

and of course Cake!

The children seemed to love them, well at least I hope they did. With nicer weather hopefully on its way, they’ll be great for the Garden, and maybe a talking point, particularly (selfishly) for me, with the “You Are Not Alone” Campaign over on Instagram, thanks to Channel Mum, may get a conversation going about who grew the biggest Sunflower..

Ours will probably fail on the first hurdle, I said last week that Alan Titchmarsh had nothing to worry about, Sunflowers included…

Kelly Leigh Studios

My son had, a party invitation to this location a few weeks ago, so I took the time to book the room too for our almost 4 year old.

And without a doubt we were not disappointed.

Not only did we rent a space the lovely Kelly also took charge of entertaining the children, dance routines and little games with them.

All we had to do was turn up with food and guests.

I’m not exaggerating!

She had a table with Table Cloth ready for us, there was tea and coffee (plus hot water) in the kitchen for parents who wanted a cuppa.

Afterwards, she didn’t want us to sweep up or help packing toys away.

We paid £60, and watched the children I assumed have the time of their lives.

Our daughter didn’t want to come home that’s for sure.

(She also does a Bouncy Castle Session, but as a house full of dancers, we decided on the Dance Session).

Lovely hidden little gem, that we would highly recommend, now looking for an excuse to hold another party..

35th Birthday Party anyone?

Thank you!

 

That’s it for this week.

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I cannot believe they’re ours.

March – Procrastination

March is always a weird, limbo month ups and downs. Waiting for that next anniversary, the date we’d love to miss, then the date that should have been, dates which mean nothing to anyone else, but us who feel them, who feel lost and confused…

I’m in the process of writing about over on Melody and Me. 

Really excited to be also writing guest posts (two actually), I’m very thrilled to have been asked to do something for two very different articles, I hope to make them perfect.

Procrastination keeps finding me!

This is also very true in my week, I’ve so many things I want to get from brain to screen, but publications, the ideas getting out there scare the shit out of me, if I’m honest. I really do focus, as I have said many times, on the negatives.

What if people hate what I do?

Do I write too much?

Too many ramblings?

Boring!!

With so many authors, bloggers out there it is hard sometimes to get anything out there, this hold me back, and it shouldn’t. My love for writing was never meant to be for anyone else, blogging – publicizing, has just been an added bonus. I most definitely need to work on the confidence building, in word and in “real life”.

 

Quiet

 

These first five days have been reasonably calm, as I mentioned above the month is limbo month, with a bittersweet taste to add in to the mix, with our Special K’s birthday thrown in the mix too..but not quite yet.

This week saw World Book Day, well for three of them, the eldest doesn’t have it at her school. Shame.

Anna and Elsa (Of course, and I know I cheated with these costumes, but who am I to argue with a three year old and her just as argumentative one year old sister?)

My boy as Oliver Twist, he has been desperate to wear the braces to school for ages, so he decided Oliver Twist would be a reasonable option, we used cinnamon to dirty his face..

We tried!

Had I done some made from scratch type costume, well there isn’t a character out there that could match my crap efforts in costume making, the children probably wouldn’t have spoken to me for weeks!

No Alan Titchmarsh!

We have been in this house for nearly four years, we have been putting off doing our garden ever since. The previous occupants had left a burnt out oil drum, a 4×4 had driven into the front of our house at some point, there have been vehicle remains being uncovered on a regular basis. We were going to do “Project Garden”, many hands make light work etc, but it isn’t always easy to get people together at the same time. So being the most inexperienced gardeners you’ll probably ever likely to meet, we thought we’d give this revamp a start.

One end of our garden is dedicated to Melody, but I will show this more at a later date, we have almost finished, so will share once it s completed.

Made a start on revamping one of our patio sets, one of which will be placed in the end section, as it is the sunniest spot (when we have Sun) of the garden.

The paint is a lot brighter than I had imagined.

Then of course the rain came, will it ever stop?

Moving this bloody wet chair into our already overfilled garage (next job), in the hope to keep it dry.

Buying some turf was the next part, being low income we can only buy the turf and the gravel, a small amount at a time, first three strips of turf went down today.

Keep the bottom of the soil moist it said..Yep..I think the skies have perfected this today. I’m sure we have done it wrong, but it looks a damn sight better than the ash ridden, oil drum rubbish which was there earlier this morning.

 

Gravel will replace the tarpaulin, one day.

I have actually really enjoyed having a go at this with hubby, (even if I have pulled my shoulders) neither of us have the foggiest idea on what we are doing, it would seem to be a great stress reliever, we do have a long way to go, however we cannot wait until it is completed, and we can finally enjoy our garden.

Just want this weather to be better.

The Wet Wipe Diaries.