Mother’s Day

I have been a Mother for almost 12 years, and I still cannot get used to being included in a day for Mother’s. I find it strange, I cannot explain it really, but it is a nice way to bring families together, and an excuse to receive the most adorable handmade gifts from your children.

As a daughter, it is also a strange day, I don’t have a great relationship with my own Mum. It isn’t something I can really talk about, it is difficult and actually painful, it is something I struggle with a lot. Having an imperfect relationship with a parent is often a taboo subject, all too often people who have amazing relationships with their parents do not truly understand the way people who don’t feel. It isn’t often an easy decision or road to take to have an inactive relationship with the people you are supposed to have a close relationship with. It is never that easy. Telling me that I only have one Mother/Father doesn’t help. It really doesn’t help. Because I know, I only have the one. But please remember, when those words slip from your mouth, that actually these parents, the on and only parents also only have one of me. I’m not replaceable either.. Things should be different.

Which of course brings me to having a Mother’s Day minus a child, knowing exactly how it feels to find out how irreplaceable a child is.  I was lucky, if wanting the right word to have Mother’s Day with Melody, although the actual day itself I didn’t go in, I’d over done it, and there wasn’t much choice, I had a premature baby in hospital, there wasn’t much call for resting. I remember spending the day away from the hospital, making plans for the following year, how our lives would be different with an extra little one in the house. Of course I remain to this day wishing that I had ignored the nurses, ignored the advice I’d been given and spent the day with her, but I didn’t know that the following year I’d not only be a mother, a difficult daughter but also a bereaved mother.

Mother’s Day is different

It is mixed.

But the best bit for me, and I know there are many, many people who don’t get a best bit, is that I have the most amazing children, and awesome husband. They give me the most perfect Mother’s Day I could ever hope for. I get to be their Mum. Can’t ask for more than that. wp-1490471823791.jpg

The Wet Wipe Diaries

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March – Procrastination

March is always a weird, limbo month ups and downs. Waiting for that next anniversary, the date we’d love to miss, then the date that should have been, dates which mean nothing to anyone else, but us who feel them, who feel lost and confused…

I’m in the process of writing about over on Melody and Me. 

Really excited to be also writing guest posts (two actually), I’m very thrilled to have been asked to do something for two very different articles, I hope to make them perfect.

Procrastination keeps finding me!

This is also very true in my week, I’ve so many things I want to get from brain to screen, but publications, the ideas getting out there scare the shit out of me, if I’m honest. I really do focus, as I have said many times, on the negatives.

What if people hate what I do?

Do I write too much?

Too many ramblings?

Boring!!

With so many authors, bloggers out there it is hard sometimes to get anything out there, this hold me back, and it shouldn’t. My love for writing was never meant to be for anyone else, blogging – publicizing, has just been an added bonus. I most definitely need to work on the confidence building, in word and in “real life”.

 

Quiet

 

These first five days have been reasonably calm, as I mentioned above the month is limbo month, with a bittersweet taste to add in to the mix, with our Special K’s birthday thrown in the mix too..but not quite yet.

This week saw World Book Day, well for three of them, the eldest doesn’t have it at her school. Shame.

Anna and Elsa (Of course, and I know I cheated with these costumes, but who am I to argue with a three year old and her just as argumentative one year old sister?)

My boy as Oliver Twist, he has been desperate to wear the braces to school for ages, so he decided Oliver Twist would be a reasonable option, we used cinnamon to dirty his face..

We tried!

Had I done some made from scratch type costume, well there isn’t a character out there that could match my crap efforts in costume making, the children probably wouldn’t have spoken to me for weeks!

No Alan Titchmarsh!

We have been in this house for nearly four years, we have been putting off doing our garden ever since. The previous occupants had left a burnt out oil drum, a 4×4 had driven into the front of our house at some point, there have been vehicle remains being uncovered on a regular basis. We were going to do “Project Garden”, many hands make light work etc, but it isn’t always easy to get people together at the same time. So being the most inexperienced gardeners you’ll probably ever likely to meet, we thought we’d give this revamp a start.

One end of our garden is dedicated to Melody, but I will show this more at a later date, we have almost finished, so will share once it s completed.

Made a start on revamping one of our patio sets, one of which will be placed in the end section, as it is the sunniest spot (when we have Sun) of the garden.

The paint is a lot brighter than I had imagined.

Then of course the rain came, will it ever stop?

Moving this bloody wet chair into our already overfilled garage (next job), in the hope to keep it dry.

Buying some turf was the next part, being low income we can only buy the turf and the gravel, a small amount at a time, first three strips of turf went down today.

Keep the bottom of the soil moist it said..Yep..I think the skies have perfected this today. I’m sure we have done it wrong, but it looks a damn sight better than the ash ridden, oil drum rubbish which was there earlier this morning.

 

Gravel will replace the tarpaulin, one day.

I have actually really enjoyed having a go at this with hubby, (even if I have pulled my shoulders) neither of us have the foggiest idea on what we are doing, it would seem to be a great stress reliever, we do have a long way to go, however we cannot wait until it is completed, and we can finally enjoy our garden.

Just want this weather to be better.

The Wet Wipe Diaries.

Barn Dance and Raffle Twenty

Final Barn Dance post, well until the follow up. I’m really looking forward to filling you in on how it went. Hopefully it’ll be good news! (Glass half empty kind of girl).

Here’s the other half of the prize list, I know I keep repeating myself, but we ARE really lucky to have collected so many. There are a couple in these collages that weren’t in the original viewings..yes we have even more, there are also a couple still to be collected tomorrow morning.

I cannot believe it is only tomorrow. Where has the time gone? Doesn’t seem like 5 minutes ago that we were going to cancel, (more like a month ago). Here we are.

We have raised so much awareness for Towards Tomorrow Together who support Little Daffodils, it has been wonderful to put a crack in the taboo, we really have only just scratched the service with how much we would like to change, particularly in the South West. This event will help fund what we’d like to achieve.

I have spent a lot of time speaking about Little Daffodils and what we do, who we are. So today in this final run up post I thought I would share the two babies behind the Little Daffodils’ Mamas. We’ve known each other since secondary school, but became really close after the birth of our babies who came after our losses..

It was October 2009 when Tracy and her family were met with the devastating words at a scan, that their baby’s heart had suddenly stopped. 

At 21 weeks Pregnant baby Beanie was born silently to Tracy, leaving the family heartbroken, departing the hospital empty handed, forever missing a little one. wp-1487886047105.png

I remember her story so well, much before my own. How sad I felt for her.

 

In February 2012 Julz became Mum to a micro preemie, born at just 26+6 because Mum was very poorly, weighing in at 670g she flew threw her early days with flying colours and was soon on the road to going home, with a discharge date all in hand. At 5 weeks old she contracted Sepsis in the NICU and sadly died on April 1st 2012. Never coming home. Leaving another family heartbroken. 

Melody

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I host another blog dedicated to her here

Thank you, these babies are so precious to us.

There are so many more families out there with similar stories, and some with not so similar but with the same outcome, that is missing babies.

We will help all we can locally to make sure noone is alone.

These are the final half of the prizes.

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Final round up.

Bell’s Whiskey

Sweet Bouquet

Body shop hamper

Perry’s Cider Voucher

Yeovil Town Football Club Tickets

Children’s Rainy Day Hamper

Silk Scarf

Evening Hangbag

Haynes Motor Museum Tickets

Angel Eyes Photography Vouchers

Wine

Mulled Wine

Thorntons

Sainsbury’s Voucher

Sarah Hodge Voucher

Chocolates

Trinket Box

Yeovil Railway Centre Ticket

Walk In Voucher

Fleet Air Arm Museum Voucher

Hair Inspirations Voucher

Pecorama Voucher

The Big Sheep Voucher.

These are some amazing prizes.

Cannot wait to see who wins, I hope they will be as pleased them as we have been obtaining them.

Raffle Tickets are now available just on the night, you have until 8pm to purchase WITH cash before we draw them.

Good Luck to Every One.

To everyone coming to the Barn Dance I will see you tomorrow night.

Thank you for purchasing tickets.

We will also be running a cake stall, with yummy homemade cakes some made by us including Dairy Free, also some donated by Tracy’s Mum, Julia and Gemma’s Mum Ros thank you Mums!

So once you’ve had your Ploughman’s (and hopefully won on the raffle), you can tuck into a delicious cake for pudding!

We’ll like to see all of these gone too..

Thank you to every one who has been reading and following.

See you on the other side..

The Wet Wipe Diaries

New Year’s Resolutions

Same old shit, different year.

To loose weight.

To be kind to others.

To write more.

Be more organised.

Become a Domestic Goddess.

Well, let’s face it, the turn of the year isn’t going to change me, although I wish it would.

By the end of January I usually fail miserably at one or all of the endless lists of resolutions.

Of course I would love to lose weight, but then when I feel like shit I eat, crisps mainly..chocolate is out due to having a CMPA daughter, who I am still breastfeeding. And have you tried the dairy free stuff? Definitely not Cadbury’s I can tell you.

I even say to myself, I won’t make any resolutions this year, but surely that is a resolution itself, I fail at that too.

The writing more is the one I really would like to succeed in, I have so many ideas in my head, note pads full of ideas, I really need to put together and make something of them.

Whose idea was it to make resolutions, and to think they work?

Maybe I am the only one who fails at them.

What is your New Year’s Resolutions? Do you stick to them?

If so, How do you keep to yours?

Off to dust off the Jillian Michaels DVD…

At least the cleaning part can be ticked off the list.

 

 

 

“You Can’t Have That”

In the Summer of 2015 when Calliope was about 6 weeks old, I took the decision to stop my dairy intake. She had pretty much screamed from the moment she arrived, and continued until roughly 5 months old. She had developed baby acne as little as 12 hours post birth, was sick after every feed (breastfed), belly ache, awful bouts of nappy rash and poos and of course the non-stop screaming.

 

Taking her to our GP, I was simply told that babies cry…

I chatted to some breastfeeding experts via online (online really can be a magical place), when I then took the Dairy Free route, within days her skin cleared up, she was still very much crying, but there was time of relax, she was beginning to differ, which was when I chose to get a second opinion, explained what had been happening, it was then agreed she wasn’t just “a crying baby”, we were referred to a dietitian. We also found things with wheat and gluten aggravated her, made her sick and the belly ache too.So  I eliminated that from my diet too. But this was temporary and just over a year old she seemed to be able to tolerate the new diet.

At 18 months old after failing the Milk Ladder at step two, we’re currently awaiting our next appointment with our dietitian.

That was the tiny background about our dairy free journey.

The thing that strikes me is the lack of tolerance (pardon the pun) people can have in regards to allergies and small children. (Although I presume it would be the same for adults). It certainly hasn’t been a life style choice, no swapping or changing like having no meat one month, and then 50 bacon sandwiches the next.

“Is she over that yet?” Repeatedly, that accompanied with the eye roll when you tell people that Soya, which was once an ok thing to have, is now a no, no.

“It is Christmas, one chocolate won’t hurt.”

Having to disappoint your 18 month old, as she sits and watches her siblings eat the Dairy Milk Selection box destined for her. “I’m sorry you can’t have that”.

You see, the cheese, the chocolate, the sip of milk will hurt her. The reactions can be unpredictable but at best the reactions comes out as a form of acne, or a stinky mucous nappy, that burns her. But then there is the awful tummy ache, the crying in pain that comes with it, the wheezy chest, the shortness of breath. It is miserable for her and is worrying for us as her parents to sit back and watch. As most of the time, we’re told to ride it out, there isn’t a lot else we can do, well at least we haven’t been told if there is anything else.

There have been questions as to whether my HG medication may have unsettled her tummy, which for me adds to the guilt of causing this for her, so if I need to be strict and come across rude, it is only because I need to protect her.

It has certainly been an eye opener, in particular how hard it has been, in coping. I remember shutting myself in the down stairs toilet crying, because she was crying in pain again, I felt useless, I felt to blame. For this is one reason I am very grateful to have had a baby carrier. It helped us both.

It isn’t just a case of not being able to have this or that, but what goes on behind the scenes the struggles parents have, the tears people don’t see behind closed doors.

We’re lucky to only have a couple of things which don’t agree with her.

Please remember if an allergen is a no, for every single day of the year, then it’ll be the same at Christmas. Think.

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(Taken back in the Summer).

 

We didn’t choose this, I hope one day she’ll grow out of it.

 

The Wet Wipe Diaries

 

 

 

New To You

I was originally with WordPress, almost three years ago I found a moment in my life where I needed to move on, which I have found the perfect place for the blog I use to speak of my bereavement, but I’ve never really been overly happy with my “every day” blog. With so much competition out there, I kind of started to scrape the barrel for things to write down.

That can’t do, because writing is one of my favourite things; it has been right from being a child, as I hit adulthood, it was deemed ‘boring’ or something to use to make fun of me. If I felt troubled one of the first things I would have done would have been to pick up a pen an doodle, of course this is how my blogging journey began in the first place was my awful pregnancy with Melody..a self published book, and a Butterfly Award Nomination later, I can’t be that shit.

I won’t be full pelt blogging until after Christmas, it is family time, I’d like to plan and schedule some posts too.

Once the New Year arrives, new year, new start and that rubbish.

So there we have it.

Fresh new post

 

The Wet Wipe Diaries

xx