Mother’s Day

I have been a Mother for almost 12 years, and I still cannot get used to being included in a day for Mother’s. I find it strange, I cannot explain it really, but it is a nice way to bring families together, and an excuse to receive the most adorable handmade gifts from your children.

As a daughter, it is also a strange day, I don’t have a great relationship with my own Mum. It isn’t something I can really talk about, it is difficult and actually painful, it is something I struggle with a lot. Having an imperfect relationship with a parent is often a taboo subject, all too often people who have amazing relationships with their parents do not truly understand the way people who don’t feel. It isn’t often an easy decision or road to take to have an inactive relationship with the people you are supposed to have a close relationship with. It is never that easy. Telling me that I only have one Mother/Father doesn’t help. It really doesn’t help. Because I know, I only have the one. But please remember, when those words slip from your mouth, that actually these parents, the on and only parents also only have one of me. I’m not replaceable either.. Things should be different.

Which of course brings me to having a Mother’s Day minus a child, knowing exactly how it feels to find out how irreplaceable a child is.  I was lucky, if wanting the right word to have Mother’s Day with Melody, although the actual day itself I didn’t go in, I’d over done it, and there wasn’t much choice, I had a premature baby in hospital, there wasn’t much call for resting. I remember spending the day away from the hospital, making plans for the following year, how our lives would be different with an extra little one in the house. Of course I remain to this day wishing that I had ignored the nurses, ignored the advice I’d been given and spent the day with her, but I didn’t know that the following year I’d not only be a mother, a difficult daughter but also a bereaved mother.

Mother’s Day is different

It is mixed.

But the best bit for me, and I know there are many, many people who don’t get a best bit, is that I have the most amazing children, and awesome husband. They give me the most perfect Mother’s Day I could ever hope for. I get to be their Mum. Can’t ask for more than that. wp-1490471823791.jpg

The Wet Wipe Diaries

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March – Procrastination

March is always a weird, limbo month ups and downs. Waiting for that next anniversary, the date we’d love to miss, then the date that should have been, dates which mean nothing to anyone else, but us who feel them, who feel lost and confused…

I’m in the process of writing about over on Melody and Me. 

Really excited to be also writing guest posts (two actually), I’m very thrilled to have been asked to do something for two very different articles, I hope to make them perfect.

Procrastination keeps finding me!

This is also very true in my week, I’ve so many things I want to get from brain to screen, but publications, the ideas getting out there scare the shit out of me, if I’m honest. I really do focus, as I have said many times, on the negatives.

What if people hate what I do?

Do I write too much?

Too many ramblings?

Boring!!

With so many authors, bloggers out there it is hard sometimes to get anything out there, this hold me back, and it shouldn’t. My love for writing was never meant to be for anyone else, blogging – publicizing, has just been an added bonus. I most definitely need to work on the confidence building, in word and in “real life”.

 

Quiet

 

These first five days have been reasonably calm, as I mentioned above the month is limbo month, with a bittersweet taste to add in to the mix, with our Special K’s birthday thrown in the mix too..but not quite yet.

This week saw World Book Day, well for three of them, the eldest doesn’t have it at her school. Shame.

Anna and Elsa (Of course, and I know I cheated with these costumes, but who am I to argue with a three year old and her just as argumentative one year old sister?)

My boy as Oliver Twist, he has been desperate to wear the braces to school for ages, so he decided Oliver Twist would be a reasonable option, we used cinnamon to dirty his face..

We tried!

Had I done some made from scratch type costume, well there isn’t a character out there that could match my crap efforts in costume making, the children probably wouldn’t have spoken to me for weeks!

No Alan Titchmarsh!

We have been in this house for nearly four years, we have been putting off doing our garden ever since. The previous occupants had left a burnt out oil drum, a 4×4 had driven into the front of our house at some point, there have been vehicle remains being uncovered on a regular basis. We were going to do “Project Garden”, many hands make light work etc, but it isn’t always easy to get people together at the same time. So being the most inexperienced gardeners you’ll probably ever likely to meet, we thought we’d give this revamp a start.

One end of our garden is dedicated to Melody, but I will show this more at a later date, we have almost finished, so will share once it s completed.

Made a start on revamping one of our patio sets, one of which will be placed in the end section, as it is the sunniest spot (when we have Sun) of the garden.

The paint is a lot brighter than I had imagined.

Then of course the rain came, will it ever stop?

Moving this bloody wet chair into our already overfilled garage (next job), in the hope to keep it dry.

Buying some turf was the next part, being low income we can only buy the turf and the gravel, a small amount at a time, first three strips of turf went down today.

Keep the bottom of the soil moist it said..Yep..I think the skies have perfected this today. I’m sure we have done it wrong, but it looks a damn sight better than the ash ridden, oil drum rubbish which was there earlier this morning.

 

Gravel will replace the tarpaulin, one day.

I have actually really enjoyed having a go at this with hubby, (even if I have pulled my shoulders) neither of us have the foggiest idea on what we are doing, it would seem to be a great stress reliever, we do have a long way to go, however we cannot wait until it is completed, and we can finally enjoy our garden.

Just want this weather to be better.

The Wet Wipe Diaries.

New Year’s Resolutions

Same old shit, different year.

To loose weight.

To be kind to others.

To write more.

Be more organised.

Become a Domestic Goddess.

Well, let’s face it, the turn of the year isn’t going to change me, although I wish it would.

By the end of January I usually fail miserably at one or all of the endless lists of resolutions.

Of course I would love to lose weight, but then when I feel like shit I eat, crisps mainly..chocolate is out due to having a CMPA daughter, who I am still breastfeeding. And have you tried the dairy free stuff? Definitely not Cadbury’s I can tell you.

I even say to myself, I won’t make any resolutions this year, but surely that is a resolution itself, I fail at that too.

The writing more is the one I really would like to succeed in, I have so many ideas in my head, note pads full of ideas, I really need to put together and make something of them.

Whose idea was it to make resolutions, and to think they work?

Maybe I am the only one who fails at them.

What is your New Year’s Resolutions? Do you stick to them?

If so, How do you keep to yours?

Off to dust off the Jillian Michaels DVD…

At least the cleaning part can be ticked off the list.

 

 

 

Breastfeeding Gymnastics

I have been incredibly lucky with my breastfeeding journey.

It  began slowly at the start of my Motherhood journey, with my eldest being in Special Care for a week, our journey lasted only nine days, but it was still nine days. I had a two year with top up relationship, five week pumping journey, when our dear little girl was with us; once she died I was determined to make breastfeeding work with any baby who would come after her.

Her little sister fed until she was around 3 years old, I tandem-ed with our youngest, who is still going at 18 months, with no signs of stopping.

I’m not here to go all inspirational, tell you how breast is best and all that, because it isn’t that simple

I shall tell you a little something the books miss…

Boobie gymnastics.

Boogie Boobies.

Protective (double) Boobies.

All You Can Eat Boobies

What are these about??

My other children, especially the now 3 year old would cuddle in and be cosy for their feeds. I had, up until now with our youngest and last baby I assumed all of the above were normal. Sleepy cuddles, even more so as she’s our final baby.

Aside from her rocky start with dairy and wheat allergies (Wheat has been outgrown thankfully), she was that cuddly baby,(albeit very loud). Then she discovered limbs. Her legs and arms are hers and that they move. Flailing around as if she’s in the middle of a dance floor..except she isn’t.

She is busting a move, making the most peculiar bodily shapes, all whilst still attached to the breast. My breasts…nipple area have never been moved the way they have with the tiniest. Feet in my face, feet on my face, feet everywhere. Did you know Nipples are actually quite flexible?! Neither did I!

Heaven forbid if the 3 year old comes near them, she occasionally still likes skin contact, poor girl gets “attacked” by the littlest person. Whilst feeding from one. bubba needs to be holding onto the other, feet wrapped around it too..

For a moment, I can no longer see my beautiful little girl, but an Octopus. Hands pulling at my glasses,(why the glasses, every day?) to make me blind, an easy target. Fingers in my mouth, feet somehow entwined in my hair, my arms wrapped around her to ensure she doesn’t fall. I’m captured. She then slithers over to the other boob, in the hope there’s more, only for 30 seconds later she needs to return to the first boob. (This is often repeated).Exposed in the cold air, pinned under this tiny creature. She begins to settle, limbs begin to loosen their hold. I’m able to reach my glasses, returning them to my face I can now see the beautiful girl, sound asleep, tired and milk drunk. Dreaming of more..

Every day I question just how much longer I can do this for?

The fidgeting.

The round the clock hourly to two hourly feeds.

The bonding the feeding has helped me with.

The windy smile.

The bright eyes staring up at me from behind my breast.

My answer..

For a long as she wants it.

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The Wet Wipe Diaries

New To You

I was originally with WordPress, almost three years ago I found a moment in my life where I needed to move on, which I have found the perfect place for the blog I use to speak of my bereavement, but I’ve never really been overly happy with my “every day” blog. With so much competition out there, I kind of started to scrape the barrel for things to write down.

That can’t do, because writing is one of my favourite things; it has been right from being a child, as I hit adulthood, it was deemed ‘boring’ or something to use to make fun of me. If I felt troubled one of the first things I would have done would have been to pick up a pen an doodle, of course this is how my blogging journey began in the first place was my awful pregnancy with Melody..a self published book, and a Butterfly Award Nomination later, I can’t be that shit.

I won’t be full pelt blogging until after Christmas, it is family time, I’d like to plan and schedule some posts too.

Once the New Year arrives, new year, new start and that rubbish.

So there we have it.

Fresh new post

 

The Wet Wipe Diaries

xx