March – Procrastination

March is always a weird, limbo month ups and downs. Waiting for that next anniversary, the date we’d love to miss, then the date that should have been, dates which mean nothing to anyone else, but us who feel them, who feel lost and confused…

I’m in the process of writing about over on Melody and Me. 

Really excited to be also writing guest posts (two actually), I’m very thrilled to have been asked to do something for two very different articles, I hope to make them perfect.

Procrastination keeps finding me!

This is also very true in my week, I’ve so many things I want to get from brain to screen, but publications, the ideas getting out there scare the shit out of me, if I’m honest. I really do focus, as I have said many times, on the negatives.

What if people hate what I do?

Do I write too much?

Too many ramblings?

Boring!!

With so many authors, bloggers out there it is hard sometimes to get anything out there, this hold me back, and it shouldn’t. My love for writing was never meant to be for anyone else, blogging – publicizing, has just been an added bonus. I most definitely need to work on the confidence building, in word and in “real life”.

 

Quiet

 

These first five days have been reasonably calm, as I mentioned above the month is limbo month, with a bittersweet taste to add in to the mix, with our Special K’s birthday thrown in the mix too..but not quite yet.

This week saw World Book Day, well for three of them, the eldest doesn’t have it at her school. Shame.

Anna and Elsa (Of course, and I know I cheated with these costumes, but who am I to argue with a three year old and her just as argumentative one year old sister?)

My boy as Oliver Twist, he has been desperate to wear the braces to school for ages, so he decided Oliver Twist would be a reasonable option, we used cinnamon to dirty his face..

We tried!

Had I done some made from scratch type costume, well there isn’t a character out there that could match my crap efforts in costume making, the children probably wouldn’t have spoken to me for weeks!

No Alan Titchmarsh!

We have been in this house for nearly four years, we have been putting off doing our garden ever since. The previous occupants had left a burnt out oil drum, a 4×4 had driven into the front of our house at some point, there have been vehicle remains being uncovered on a regular basis. We were going to do “Project Garden”, many hands make light work etc, but it isn’t always easy to get people together at the same time. So being the most inexperienced gardeners you’ll probably ever likely to meet, we thought we’d give this revamp a start.

One end of our garden is dedicated to Melody, but I will show this more at a later date, we have almost finished, so will share once it s completed.

Made a start on revamping one of our patio sets, one of which will be placed in the end section, as it is the sunniest spot (when we have Sun) of the garden.

The paint is a lot brighter than I had imagined.

Then of course the rain came, will it ever stop?

Moving this bloody wet chair into our already overfilled garage (next job), in the hope to keep it dry.

Buying some turf was the next part, being low income we can only buy the turf and the gravel, a small amount at a time, first three strips of turf went down today.

Keep the bottom of the soil moist it said..Yep..I think the skies have perfected this today. I’m sure we have done it wrong, but it looks a damn sight better than the ash ridden, oil drum rubbish which was there earlier this morning.

 

Gravel will replace the tarpaulin, one day.

I have actually really enjoyed having a go at this with hubby, (even if I have pulled my shoulders) neither of us have the foggiest idea on what we are doing, it would seem to be a great stress reliever, we do have a long way to go, however we cannot wait until it is completed, and we can finally enjoy our garden.

Just want this weather to be better.

The Wet Wipe Diaries.

People Who Have Made The Barn Dance Happen.

Behind the scenes.

A short break from the raffle prize lists, to once again sharing the lovely people who are making this Charity Event happen.

I won’t lie, it hasn’t been easy. If I am brutally honest, there have been times where we have felt completely let down by the place we call home, and have had a cross word or two between us.

Tensions ran high, it has been stressful and at times disappointing.

We very nearly cancelled on a couple of occasions.

But we really are stronger than that, and for me (I can’t speak for the other ladies but I am sure they’ll agree), the awareness building for Little Daffodils has been of great importance, getting us known within the community. Letting people know what the Charity and the group is all about, by blogging rather than relying on other resources, we’ve been able to publicize the support in more detail.

As I have mentioned before 100% of the monies raised this coming Saturday will go towards helping families through the most darkest of times.

I’ve mentioned several times about group support, but there are things which would seem small to you, but huge to newly bereaved families.

Proper informative packages, leaflets with personalized information.

Example when we left the hospital, we didn’t get the Butterfly Box, we received leaflets and poems which are aimed at families who suffer miscarriages and stillbirth.

We were neither of those.

I won’t go into too much detail here, but there were so many things we weren’t told, so for me this is such an important thing I’d like to help change.

100% aftercare for ANYONE who has to leave the hospital with an empty car seat.

This is all a tiny drop in the ocean, but a step in the right direction to have more positive aftercare stories. The aftercare is an important part of our story.

*

Okay, I said behind the scenes, but I like to talk and I wanted to squeeze in a tiny bit more about our cause, because that is why we are here, right?!

As I have mentioned previously, there have been a small amount of us organising the event, including some who have added some finishing touches.

Little things like, table decorations.

I won’t reveal just yet, but they’re perfect.

Hand created by Tracy (of Little Daffodils) Mother In Law – Maureen Coath.

She has a lovely eye for detail.

Small touch but really a huge input to take the stress away from us,whilst we deal with front line things.

So Thank You.

There will be photos, but for now no spoilers.

Photographs we’ll be having local photographer Dave Sibley.

Down to earth, genuine guy has offered his services for the evening,having used him for a family event,he certainly comes highly recommended.

Thank you.

Cannot forget our husbands, Raffle Prize collections in various surrounding areas, various publicity, listening to crazy ideas and rants.

Thank you for putting up with us.

As mentioned we ended up with various places helping to boost our raffle ticket sales, we’ve been incredibly grateful for this help.

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Dove Tails, who have not only hosted some tickets, but donated prizes too.

We are sad to learn of their closure, but hopefully it’ll be temporary.

Lisa of Baron’s Chard took some tickets off of our busy hands.

Also Eleos Cafe became host to raffle tickets.

The bunting in the photo was made by the lovely Sarah, to help with ticket sales..

Not captured in the slideshow is Sarah Jones of The Phoenix Hotel, as well as doing her own charity awareness she has taken time to promote our raffle tickets too.

Councillor Amanda Broom took some raffle tickets off our hands to help sell them too.

Thank you to each of those mentioned for what seems like tiny touches are huge things to us.

I know I have already mentioned them above.

But this Business really has gone above and beyond with their support not only for the event promotion, selling Barn Dance and Raffle Tickets,but for what we do as a local group.

They have let us have use of the rooms upstairs for our monthly meets, where we can provide a drink, even cake and a listening ear in a really relaxed location.

On top of this, they have offered the use of another of their rooms to hold an awareness session for local professionals.

We, I am incredibly touched by their generosity and support whilst we build ourselves up from the ground.

I, for one am incredibly thankful to them.

Unfortunately as with the other photos it is a recycled one, and haven’t been able to include all members, but he(Nat) won’t escape for Event Round up photos…

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This is Sarah and Emily, Emily along with Nat (who I’ve yet to capture), are usually there to serve drinks at our sessions.

Sarah made the lovely bunting which you can see beside her.

Always smiley and very friendly.

Eleos Cafe, who were also crowned best cafe in the South West,

what a wonderful thing to achieve.

We really are so grateful for the things they have helped us to do.

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Please stop by and grab a slice of cake and a drink.

(Did I mention they even do Allergy friendly cake?!)

Every one here and people who have donated will all get a mention on the night.

Plus in my round up blogs.

We just would like to go above and beyond for those who have for us.

I am going to mention our team again.

Julz Scott

Tracy Coath

Gemma Green

Sam Field.

From publicity to

raffle prize obtaining to

Band Booking

and Ticket Sales,

Food Preparation

to simply organising bales of straw to hopefully complete the look.

We’re looking forward to seeing the end result, enjoying a fun evening, with maybe a Pimms or two.

Will we do this again?

Are you Crazy?!

January Part One. 

It hasn’t been the romanticised fresh new beginning I’d have hoped for.  No bright eyed smiley back to school selfies, no annual walks in the mud. Kicking up muddy leaves, jumping in puddles.

Instead it has been the “Hacking” Cough (as named by the media), leaving me feeling and looking like shit. 

The cough that every body appears to have at the moment, the one which apparently can’t be treated,or at least I know I can’t take antibiotics due to feeding anyway. The one that’s lasting six weeks.  

I can’t bring the crap up further than my throat because because I’ve a phobia of being sick, which doesn’t help,  the hate I feel for my body being ill at the moment is crazy.  Since my last hyperemesis pregnancy I’ve been unable to cope mentally with being ill, even if it’s something as simple as a common cold.  I can’t bare it.  

The virus has really knocked me on my arse. Lucky my husband has the patience with me,even if I don’t have the patience for myself.  

 

Children went back to school. I’m that mum who is a shouty mum, but when it comes to end of holidays and the term beginning again, I’m not a fan.  I miss them, when they’re not at home.  I’m also not a glamorous “make up ready,  nice clothes” school run mum.  Throw on anything that’s clean, or hope it is.  Kids filed out the door after shouting ties, jumpers, shoes and coats for what feels like 50 million times.  Most of the time we don’t tend to forget items, for me that is an achievement to shout about. 

Just before the Christmas term my son, as with most Thursdays he takes left overs, usually pasta.  It’s helpful particularly if I’ve forgotten to top the bread up.  His lunch was placed in our old second fridge, it was normally placed in our “main”  fridge (only one fridge and one freezer now).  Only when I packed his lunch I grabbed the first sistema pot I came to, out the door we went.  Return home after food shopping to discover I’d actually sent him in a huge pot of tinned peaches, God knows how long they’d been in there (a week maybe).  His lovely lunch was indeed staring at me.  Luckily as I work at the school I know the feeding schedule! 

I’m far from a perfect mum. 

 The baby loss group I run started up again, although there wasn’t really a break as such, it is progressing.  Of course it’s a bad thing but also good people are seeking us to get support they deserve. I’m heading into shadow land, the time where I can remember dates, what happened on these dates, some dates are fading others are still a punch in the gut as much as the first few weeks. 

Time has healed bugger all.  She may have only been here 5 weeks but I don’t want to be “healed”  from her.  

Usual meet with a good friend of mine we’ve met weekly for almost 3 years now.  It’s lovely. 

 I braved food shop this week,  left me feeling weak and feeling like crap, but cabin fever is doing my head in. 

 I even grabbed some bargains for Christmas 2017.  Christmas jumpers at 49pence each for children and adult ones 99pence. Love Aldi shopping, we’ve saved so much since shopping there,  and we all like the food there.

I’ve a fair few bits in my Christmas stash already.  I did it through the year last year, and I really enjoyed it, meant that I could spread the cost over the year.  My husband finds it hilarious, I see it as organised.  
Part One of January complete.  Dull as shit I know.  But I’d like to get into the habit of writing.  

Hopefully this bloody cough would have moved out next week.  

There will definitely be a better part two, cough or no cough. 
Have a good week. 

The Wet Wipe Diaries 

“You Can’t Have That”

In the Summer of 2015 when Calliope was about 6 weeks old, I took the decision to stop my dairy intake. She had pretty much screamed from the moment she arrived, and continued until roughly 5 months old. She had developed baby acne as little as 12 hours post birth, was sick after every feed (breastfed), belly ache, awful bouts of nappy rash and poos and of course the non-stop screaming.

 

Taking her to our GP, I was simply told that babies cry…

I chatted to some breastfeeding experts via online (online really can be a magical place), when I then took the Dairy Free route, within days her skin cleared up, she was still very much crying, but there was time of relax, she was beginning to differ, which was when I chose to get a second opinion, explained what had been happening, it was then agreed she wasn’t just “a crying baby”, we were referred to a dietitian. We also found things with wheat and gluten aggravated her, made her sick and the belly ache too.So  I eliminated that from my diet too. But this was temporary and just over a year old she seemed to be able to tolerate the new diet.

At 18 months old after failing the Milk Ladder at step two, we’re currently awaiting our next appointment with our dietitian.

That was the tiny background about our dairy free journey.

The thing that strikes me is the lack of tolerance (pardon the pun) people can have in regards to allergies and small children. (Although I presume it would be the same for adults). It certainly hasn’t been a life style choice, no swapping or changing like having no meat one month, and then 50 bacon sandwiches the next.

“Is she over that yet?” Repeatedly, that accompanied with the eye roll when you tell people that Soya, which was once an ok thing to have, is now a no, no.

“It is Christmas, one chocolate won’t hurt.”

Having to disappoint your 18 month old, as she sits and watches her siblings eat the Dairy Milk Selection box destined for her. “I’m sorry you can’t have that”.

You see, the cheese, the chocolate, the sip of milk will hurt her. The reactions can be unpredictable but at best the reactions comes out as a form of acne, or a stinky mucous nappy, that burns her. But then there is the awful tummy ache, the crying in pain that comes with it, the wheezy chest, the shortness of breath. It is miserable for her and is worrying for us as her parents to sit back and watch. As most of the time, we’re told to ride it out, there isn’t a lot else we can do, well at least we haven’t been told if there is anything else.

There have been questions as to whether my HG medication may have unsettled her tummy, which for me adds to the guilt of causing this for her, so if I need to be strict and come across rude, it is only because I need to protect her.

It has certainly been an eye opener, in particular how hard it has been, in coping. I remember shutting myself in the down stairs toilet crying, because she was crying in pain again, I felt useless, I felt to blame. For this is one reason I am very grateful to have had a baby carrier. It helped us both.

It isn’t just a case of not being able to have this or that, but what goes on behind the scenes the struggles parents have, the tears people don’t see behind closed doors.

We’re lucky to only have a couple of things which don’t agree with her.

Please remember if an allergen is a no, for every single day of the year, then it’ll be the same at Christmas. Think.

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(Taken back in the Summer).

 

We didn’t choose this, I hope one day she’ll grow out of it.

 

The Wet Wipe Diaries

 

 

 

Breastfeeding Gymnastics

I have been incredibly lucky with my breastfeeding journey.

It  began slowly at the start of my Motherhood journey, with my eldest being in Special Care for a week, our journey lasted only nine days, but it was still nine days. I had a two year with top up relationship, five week pumping journey, when our dear little girl was with us; once she died I was determined to make breastfeeding work with any baby who would come after her.

Her little sister fed until she was around 3 years old, I tandem-ed with our youngest, who is still going at 18 months, with no signs of stopping.

I’m not here to go all inspirational, tell you how breast is best and all that, because it isn’t that simple

I shall tell you a little something the books miss…

Boobie gymnastics.

Boogie Boobies.

Protective (double) Boobies.

All You Can Eat Boobies

What are these about??

My other children, especially the now 3 year old would cuddle in and be cosy for their feeds. I had, up until now with our youngest and last baby I assumed all of the above were normal. Sleepy cuddles, even more so as she’s our final baby.

Aside from her rocky start with dairy and wheat allergies (Wheat has been outgrown thankfully), she was that cuddly baby,(albeit very loud). Then she discovered limbs. Her legs and arms are hers and that they move. Flailing around as if she’s in the middle of a dance floor..except she isn’t.

She is busting a move, making the most peculiar bodily shapes, all whilst still attached to the breast. My breasts…nipple area have never been moved the way they have with the tiniest. Feet in my face, feet on my face, feet everywhere. Did you know Nipples are actually quite flexible?! Neither did I!

Heaven forbid if the 3 year old comes near them, she occasionally still likes skin contact, poor girl gets “attacked” by the littlest person. Whilst feeding from one. bubba needs to be holding onto the other, feet wrapped around it too..

For a moment, I can no longer see my beautiful little girl, but an Octopus. Hands pulling at my glasses,(why the glasses, every day?) to make me blind, an easy target. Fingers in my mouth, feet somehow entwined in my hair, my arms wrapped around her to ensure she doesn’t fall. I’m captured. She then slithers over to the other boob, in the hope there’s more, only for 30 seconds later she needs to return to the first boob. (This is often repeated).Exposed in the cold air, pinned under this tiny creature. She begins to settle, limbs begin to loosen their hold. I’m able to reach my glasses, returning them to my face I can now see the beautiful girl, sound asleep, tired and milk drunk. Dreaming of more..

Every day I question just how much longer I can do this for?

The fidgeting.

The round the clock hourly to two hourly feeds.

The bonding the feeding has helped me with.

The windy smile.

The bright eyes staring up at me from behind my breast.

My answer..

For a long as she wants it.

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The Wet Wipe Diaries